


Doctor-- No! or, Diamonds Aren't For Everyone

by fannishliss



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5581129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fannishliss/pseuds/fannishliss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>  Peri and the Doctor have to blend in to save the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doctor-- No! or, Diamonds Aren't For Everyone

**title: Doctor-- No! or, Diamonds Aren't For Everyone**  
author: [](http://fannishliss.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://fannishliss.livejournal.com/)**fannishliss**  
rating: PG, Gen  
characters: The Fifth Doctor and Peri  
2200 words

Summary:  Peri and the Doctor have to blend in to save the world.

This story is for the who@50 ficathon-athon.

notes at the end  
  
===

"Doctor, are you sure about this?" Peri asked doubtfully.

The Doctor fidgeted absently with his bow tie for a moment.  It was tied perfectly, setting off the smooth lapels of his dinner jacket and the crisp lines of his white shirt.

He drew a coin from his pocket, flipped it, and checked for the answer.

"Yes," he said.  "Apparently I'm sure."

"Well, I'm not!" Peri stated.  "The only thing I'm sure of is that you should leave that thing behind."

Peri frowned at the gun in the Doctor's hand.  The flat black metal looked wrong,  no-nonsense and unavoidably deadly.  The Doctor did look dashing in his formal wear, but Peri would've preferred the cricketing sweater and celery any day.

"It's a sort of uniform, you see, Peri," the Doctor explained absently.  "One must look the part."

"And going armed is looking the part?" Peri couldn't help questioning.

"It's not as if I'm going to shoot anybody. Really!" the Doctor retorted at last.

"Most people who end up shooting somebody probably think that as well, starting out," Peri said dubiously.

"I'll have you know," the Doctor said mildly, "that I do know how to use a gun.  I had several good friends, once upon a time, who were soldiers, and even though I refused to carry a gun on a regular basis, they insisted I learn my way around one, so I did.  So you," the Doctor chucked Peri lightly on the nose, "can stop worrying.  I know how to shoot, and more importantly, how not to shoot. So."

"And the uniform for me, is a bikini?" Peri asked.  A certain tone of doubt and unease crept into her voice.

The Doctor hastily finished checking the gun and holstered it inside his jacket.  He slipped a small velvet bag into his inside jacket pocket,  then turned his full attention to his doubtful companion.

Peri looked absolutely stunning. She was wearing a white bikini that fit her perfectly, flattering every curve of her lithe, toned body.  Over the bikini she wore a gorgeous sheer caftan that floated around her body like a diaphanous veil of rainbow silk.  It only came down to mid-thigh, and her legs seemed to go on forever, as she perched gracefully in matching mules.

The Doctor cleared his throat.  "Yes, you'll do very well, Peri.  You'll have no trouble where we're going."

"Where are we going, Doctor?" Peri asked.

"Why, to save the world, of course," he said.  He flipped a button that opened the Tardis doors, offered Peri his arm, and led her out onto a private Mediterranean beach, a large estate house dominating the view a short distance away.

Peri immediately slipped out of her mules and dangled them in one hand, accepting the Doctor's arm with her other.  He smiled at her and acted the part of a gentleman very well, adapting his stride to hers as they picked their way along the beach.

A stone patio with lounge chairs, umbrellas and low tables ran along the edge of the beach.  Reaching it, Peri dropped her mules and awkwardly began to rub the sand off her feet.

"Please allow me," the Doctor said, dropping to a crouch.

Peri found herself on one foot, one hand on the Doctor's shoulder as she found her balance, while he dusted her lifted foot thoroughly with his cool, dry hands and slipped her extravagant feathered mule back on.

"I feel like Cinderella,"  she quipped nervously, shifting her weight into the shoe as he lifted her other foot and began to rub it clean.

"I hope we don't have to run for it," he said, "but odds are, we will -- and if we do, do lose the shoes."

They grinned at each other, only a little bit off as he gently shod her other foot.

"Ready?" he said kindly.

Peri's heart was beating fast, but the Doctor trusted her to keep calm.  "As I'll ever be," she promised, and they went up the steps from the patio on to the next terrace nearer the house.

Peri could hear music, laughter.  She felt so exposed.  She held onto the Doctor's arm for dear life.  He'd do all he could to keep her safe, and she'd do the same for him, she promised herself.

After what seemed to Peri like forever, but in reality was only a few minutes, she and the Doctor had neared the house, reaching the main terrace.  There was a swimming pool, which always seemed like a waste to Peri so close to the beach.  There was a bar, and there were uniformed waiters wearing white jackets. And the Doctor had been correct -- all the men were in formal wear, and all the girls were in bikinis.

Peri knew the 1980s still had a long way to go.  She'd seen gender equality in the future and much harsher inequality in many eras of the past.  But this casual midcentury sexism shocked her -- the appearance of modernity conflated with the absolute assurance these men had that the world revolved to suit their whims. It got her back up, but she sternly told herself to simmer down.  They were here to save the world, not to save a few young women from men's sexist attitudes.

The Doctor had ordered a sparkling wine for Peri and she slowly sipped it from a heavy crystal flute.  It tasted expensive and she tried to savor it.  The Doctor had seated himself at a table.  Several men were smoking cigars and drinking strong liquor of various kinds.  All were dressed richly, just like the Doctor, and no one asked Peri if she wanted to sit down.  She stood behind the Doctor, one hand wrapped around his shoulder -- still catching her balance, she mused.

Peri had no idea what kind of cards they were playing. She assumed, from a lifetime of viewing every Bond film numerous times, that it was Baccarat.  Or, if it wasn't, it was something equally impossible to figure out.

Peri knew the Doctor was a mathematical genius, to the average human mind as Einstein was to Mister Ed.  Counting cards and calculating probabilities was child's play to him -- the challenge for him would be winning only enough to edge ahead, not enough to alarm his table mates.

Peri was surprised, then, to see that he was losing.  Badly.

One of the men laughed and leered rudely at Peri.  "You'll have to up the ante, Doctor."

Peri flushed as she realized what he meant.

The Doctor sternly met the man's eye.  "Of course," he said, pulling the small velvet pouch from his jacket pocket.

"I'm afraid I've run out of cash," he said.  "Perhaps the house could accept one or two of these instead."

The Doctor tipped the bag into his hand and several small diamonds rolled out -- the bag seemed hefty and clearly held a fortune in brilliant stones.  Peri watched the men at the table in alarm, their faces falling into vicious masks of greed, if only for a moment.

The leering man gaped, while another one poked hesitantly at the stones with one finger.    "Yes, I'm sure that will do," he said, after a moment.

"Super!" the Doctor exclaimed, eagerly, pushing one of the diamonds forward into an existing pile of cash.

The men all tried to stifle their greedy looks of triumph and eagerness as the seemingly naive Doctor lost the diamonds he'd first poured out.

"Well, I'm afraid I've hit my limit for today, haven't I, Peri?" the Doctor said, rising.

"I'd say," Peri managed, glaring at the men as much as she felt she could get away with.

"I hope you'll let me play again tomorrow?" the Doctor asked.

The men all nodded, clearly eager to clean the Doctor out until every last diamond was theirs.

"Then I think we'll retire to our room and have a bit of a kip," the Doctor said. He hailed a waiter, who led them to a bellboy, who led them to a butler, who assigned them a room and another bellboy.  It was more confusing than a hotel, and terribly luxurious.

The room had an enormous king size bed, its own veranda overlooking the sea, and a luxurious well-appointed ensuite bath.

Peri kicked off her shoes and plopped down onto the bed.

"I don't understand how you lost so badly," she said.

"Hm?  Oh, I wasn't trying to win, you know.  I just wanted a good reason to spend the night."

"Oh!" Peri said, really unable to wrap her mind around the enormous amount of money the Doctor had just thrown away.

"Diamonds, pishposh," he said.  "Really, common as dust some planets.  It's not as though you can eat them, or wear them as clothing, or build houses out of them, though I do know places where they've tried.  Diamonds mean nothing to me."

"Oh," Peri said, again, feeling suddenly lost.

The Doctor paced around the room, fingers steepled under his chin, until Peri grew too weary to watch.  She lay down on her side, knees drawn up under her caftan, and watched him pace until her eyelids fluttered closed.

She felt him gently shake her shoulder.  "Up now," the Doctor whispered.  It was night time, or more accurately, very early morning. "It's now the very witching time of night."

"Bitter business? Let's not," Peri mumbled, digging sleep from the corners of her eyes.

"World saving, Peri, do keep focused."

The Doctor eased open the door of their room, creeping noiselessly out into the hall.  No one was about.

They found a servant's lift and went down, all the way down into a sub-basement corridor leading a long way.  At last, they came to a chamber  where a mysterious spherical machine sat humming.

"What is it, Doctor?" Peri asked, agape.  Laser that can erase buildings half a world away?   Drill that could drill to the center of the earth?  Thermonuclear warhead?

"It's a baby Tardis," the Doctor said.  "I can't think what it could be doing here on Earth -- how it escaped from Gallifrey -- but clearly, it's been hopping back from the future -- you can see by these cybernetic relays that the shell is far too advanced for this day and age -- but it's gotten stuck here -- some rift energy, I'd guess, based on these readings."

The Doctor had darted to the machine, ducked into the center of it, and hastily begun getting his bearings on all the various readouts.

"Very good, Doctor," a loud voice called out.  "Trying to use this thing against us, are you?"

The owner of the estate had appeared and was now trying to tap his gloved hands threateningly.  Peri couldn't remember his name -- the Doctor hadn't thought him very important -- but he was wearing a goatee and a black Nehru jacket.

The Doctor glanced up at him, did a double take, squinted, then relaxed.

"In that getup and smelling of cigars, you closely resemble an old friend of mine," the Doctor said lightly.

"Do I?" the man said, nearly menacing.

"Mm," the Doctor agreed, distracted by one of the readouts on the baby Tardis console.

"I'm really very sorry," the Doctor said, "but this doesn't belong to you -- or to anyone really -- but he could be very dangerous if left in the wrong hands.  Here!" the Doctor tossed the black-jacketed man his bag of diamonds and while the man gaped, the Doctor hurriedly pulled Peri under the railing, laid his hands flat on a wide, metallic panel, and said, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home."

"There's no place like home!" Peri chanted along and reflexively clicked the heels on her feathered mules.

With a quiet, eerie tone, like a bow dragged across a string, the baby Tardis smoothly dematerialized and spun through the vortex -- only for a moment, to rematerialize in one of the Doctor's storage bays.

"A Tardis inside a Tardis?" Peri asked.  "Transdimensional geometry -- how does that even work?"

"This baby one is still smaller on the inside," the Doctor whispered. "Sh, don't hurt his feelings. Really, outstandingly lucky that he was fitted with a primary neural interface."

"Yeah?" Peri asked.  "But what will you do with him?"

The Doctor frowned.  "Not take him back to Gallifrey, that's for sure.  I have an inkling he'd find the rift energy off Cardiff bay satisfyingly nourishing -- my old girl surely does."

Peri shook her head, trying to imagine a Tardis, even a baby one, snacking on rift energy, whatever that meant.

After they'd bid the baby Tardis goodbye, leaving it on the bottom of Cardiff bay to feed and grow, Peri sat with the Doctor in the galley, sharing a cuppa and post-adventure biscuit.

"Thanks," Peri said.

The Doctor looked up, eyebrows raised.

"For not letting those men treat me badly," Peri explained.

"You are safe with me, Peri," the Doctor said.

Peri gazed at the young, handsome face of her protector and friend.  He was so mild, so gentle, usually so unassuming.  But inside him she knew there was steel, a man of fire and ice, bolder, a risk taker. The Doctor made Peri feel safe, and for that, she was grateful.  But sometimes, every once in a while, she wondered with a forbidden thrill, if she'd ever see the dangerous man beneath that kindly, calm reserve.

=====  
This is a real photograph, not a manip.  Apparently it was a press photo.    I hope readers will enjoy the playful nature of the story, and at the same time, enjoy an exploration of the friendship between Five and Peri.  :)

I know Peri often went about in tight, revealing clothing. At the same time she often seems to feel rather uncomfortable.  I wanted to tell a story about this bikini from her point of view.  She often seems to me like a young woman who is aware that she looks good in tight clothes, but at the same time, remains self-conscious. I think it would be exaggerated in this kind of setting, where she knows they're going in to a chancy situation.

It's also true that the Doctor is usually strongly opposed to guns, yet every so often, he picks one up.  I have an idea that Benton may have taken the Doctor to the practice range; good understanding of guns and excellent marksmanship are obviously important to soldiers.  :)

The idea of finding a baby Tardis in a villain's lair was too fun when it popped into my head.  I'm not sure where it came from, but I have strong impression the Doctor in the future is responsible.  :)

and re the villain?  there was a period of time when every villain looked pretty much the same.   how about [Terence Stamp as General Zod](http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_medium/0/669/94993-82220-general-zod.jpeg&imgrefurl=http://www.comicvine.com/general-zod/4005-13075/&h=350&w=282&sz=10&tbnid=dOr8jdA3fmonOM:&tbnh=105&tbnw=85&zoom=1&usg=__seLakee_yivuykfVjEuU4hhZT-A=&docid=OKBogy1B9reK1M&sa=X&ei=V3P1Uef6LPba4APlnIG4DA&ved=0CEgQ9QEwAw&dur=525#imgdii=dOr8jdA3fmonOM%3A%3BSwOzmndW2tRUGM%3BdOr8jdA3fmonOM%3A)!  :D


End file.
